I spend too much time trying to be neutral. I spend too much time trying not to be that dramatic girl that everyone hates. I spend too much time trying to make both parties happy which always ends in a loss for me in some sort of way. I spend too much time hiding the fact that I like things most girls I hate do.
I like sequins and glitter.
I love Taylor Swift
I love writing blogs and writing my thoughts down on paper because I can never say them correctly
I love going to Target to get new CD's like a 14 year old girl
I like being classy with glass silverware and red lipstick kind of thing.
I like paper lanterns and string lights
I like the Polaroids that produce pictures instantly
I see nothing wrong with shorts and tank tops and sunsets
I like pink
I love to laugh...alot. Most people see that as ditsy. I see at as my personality
I like my morning tea and reading the newspaper
I love Starbucks and fake glasses
I still dance to myself in my room when I get ready
I have, in fact, worn nothing, but a white dress shirt and slid down the wood floors in socks like he does in Risky Business.
I like the fake glitter tattoos you get from the bowling alley
I like bows and diamonds and lots of lace
Although I've been through hell, I still believe in fairly tales and the person who will do anything to be with you.
I am one of those white girls. But I try and hide it because I don't want that label.
I still have a journal where I write all the boys I have ever kissed in it
I love Lana Del Rey and Marina and the Diamonds
I still think its classy and attractive to wear sundresses and sweaters and read a book
I have forgotten I like all of these things in the midst of my busy life
Sometimes I forget who I am while trying become who I want
"Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset. Red lips and rosy cheecks; say you'll see me again even if its just in your wildest dreams."
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
If You Really Knew Me
If you really knew you you'd know that Red is my favorite color (right now) and it changes weekly
If you really knew me you would know that I hate telling people my accomplishments and when I do I quickly regret it and it always gets weird.
If you really knew me you would know that I am probably the most awkward person alive, but its only because I don't know what to say most of the time. Contrary to other peoples beliefs I'm actually not a talker, I just really hate silence.
If you really knew me you would know I use my energetic personality to hide a lot of my sadness. I don't like letting people know I'm upset unless I'm really upset. (that's when I should probably stay off of social media)
If you really knew me you would know that baseball is my favorite sport and I study it more than anything else. The mental and strategic concepts of the game completely blow me away.
If you really knew me you would know I am the most serious/unserious person ever. I don't know how its possible to be both, but I have pulled it off.
If you really knew me you would know I love jokes and I get excited whenever I hear a new one.
If you really knew me you would know that I am very independent, and I always take care of people -- its in my nature. Sometimes it probably comes off creepy, haha. But if you really knew me you would know that sometimes I get really lonely.
If you really knew me you would know that I believe everything worth having in life has to be natural. If it's not, you don't need it. But I also believe that hard work can make the unnatural become natural.
If you really knew me you would know that I really just want someone to love me for me, because I'm not changing for anyone. If you really knew me you would know that I want to marry someone who gets all of my odd qualities and is my best friend.
When I say I care about you, I really mean it. When I say I miss you, I really mean it. Those words don't come easily out of my mouth.
I don't tell anyone my problems because I believe that 90% of the people don't care about your problems and the other 10% are glad you have them.
If you really knew me, you would know that I love the gym way too much. Whenever I have a bad day, it always makes me feel better -- so I go everyday.
If you really knew me you would know that I feel everything so deeply. I am very passionate about everything I care about.
If you really knew me you would know I have a very guilty conscience, but I also like to break the rules. I would rather go on adventures and explore than sit around and watch movies all day long.
If you really knew me you would know that I you have to break down my walls barriers to really really get to know me.
If you really knew me you would know that I hate telling people my accomplishments and when I do I quickly regret it and it always gets weird.
If you really knew me you would know that I am probably the most awkward person alive, but its only because I don't know what to say most of the time. Contrary to other peoples beliefs I'm actually not a talker, I just really hate silence.
If you really knew me you would know I use my energetic personality to hide a lot of my sadness. I don't like letting people know I'm upset unless I'm really upset. (that's when I should probably stay off of social media)
If you really knew me you would know that baseball is my favorite sport and I study it more than anything else. The mental and strategic concepts of the game completely blow me away.
If you really knew me you would know I am the most serious/unserious person ever. I don't know how its possible to be both, but I have pulled it off.
If you really knew me you would know I love jokes and I get excited whenever I hear a new one.
If you really knew me you would know that I am very independent, and I always take care of people -- its in my nature. Sometimes it probably comes off creepy, haha. But if you really knew me you would know that sometimes I get really lonely.
If you really knew me you would know that I believe everything worth having in life has to be natural. If it's not, you don't need it. But I also believe that hard work can make the unnatural become natural.
If you really knew me you would know that I really just want someone to love me for me, because I'm not changing for anyone. If you really knew me you would know that I want to marry someone who gets all of my odd qualities and is my best friend.
When I say I care about you, I really mean it. When I say I miss you, I really mean it. Those words don't come easily out of my mouth.
I don't tell anyone my problems because I believe that 90% of the people don't care about your problems and the other 10% are glad you have them.
If you really knew me, you would know that I love the gym way too much. Whenever I have a bad day, it always makes me feel better -- so I go everyday.
If you really knew me you would know that I feel everything so deeply. I am very passionate about everything I care about.
If you really knew me you would know I have a very guilty conscience, but I also like to break the rules. I would rather go on adventures and explore than sit around and watch movies all day long.
If you really knew me you would know that I you have to break down my walls barriers to really really get to know me.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Why you gotta, Why you wanna make me keep wanting you
It seems like the more you try and run away from things, the sooner they will catch back up to you--and I'm not even talking about mistakes.
I'm talking about the kind of things that you'd rather forget. The heartaches, the people you thought you knew, the ones you would be better off just forgetting. It's those kinds of moments or people that you can't forget. You could have not talked for months, and if your like me, as soon as a song that reminds you of that person goes off, you find yourself bawling at the gym. Gay right?
It's those kind of moments that remind you how not over it you really are.
And it's not like you even spend time wallowing in the self-pity, being the person who can't get over it. It's when you finally are happy again, doing what you love in a place where you find your most happiness and something reminds you how bad you still want that person, or to have those moments again. Almost like its not even voluntary. And that's what pisses me off the most. When you are doing all you can, to be a stronger, better person than you were yesterday with the situation, and life turns around and slaps you right in the face with the thing you are trying to hard to forget. It's a bitch right?
Maybe i'm saying that in another time, in another place that person was your soul mate, and they could have been right for you. Maybe it's gods way of showing us that we are that capable of liking someone and having someone like us the same way in return.
But nothing is worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time.
Maybe it's the universes way of saying that later on, you will have those moments again.
I'm talking about the kind of things that you'd rather forget. The heartaches, the people you thought you knew, the ones you would be better off just forgetting. It's those kinds of moments or people that you can't forget. You could have not talked for months, and if your like me, as soon as a song that reminds you of that person goes off, you find yourself bawling at the gym. Gay right?
It's those kind of moments that remind you how not over it you really are.
And it's not like you even spend time wallowing in the self-pity, being the person who can't get over it. It's when you finally are happy again, doing what you love in a place where you find your most happiness and something reminds you how bad you still want that person, or to have those moments again. Almost like its not even voluntary. And that's what pisses me off the most. When you are doing all you can, to be a stronger, better person than you were yesterday with the situation, and life turns around and slaps you right in the face with the thing you are trying to hard to forget. It's a bitch right?
Maybe i'm saying that in another time, in another place that person was your soul mate, and they could have been right for you. Maybe it's gods way of showing us that we are that capable of liking someone and having someone like us the same way in return.
But nothing is worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time.
Maybe it's the universes way of saying that later on, you will have those moments again.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Innocent
I guess you really did it this time; left yourself in your war path
Lost your balance on a tight rope; lost your mind trying to get it back
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days. Always a bigger bed to crawl into.
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?
It's alright, just wait and see your string of lights are still bright to me. Who you are is not where you've been. You're still an innocent.
Did some things you can't speak of, and at night you'll live it all again.
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now if only you had seen what you know now then.
Wasn't it easy in your firefly catching days everything out of reach, someone bigger down to you. Wasn't it beautiful running wild till you fell asleep, before the monsters caught up to you?
It's alright just wait and see your string of lights are still bright to me
Who you are is not where you've been, you're still an innocent.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd--20 and still growing up now.
Who you are is not what you did, you're still an innocent.
Time turns flames to embers, but you'll have new Septembers. Everyone of us has messed up too.
Minds change like the weather, and I hope you remember.
Today is never too late to
Be brand new
Lost your balance on a tight rope; lost your mind trying to get it back
Lost your balance on a tight rope; lost your mind trying to get it back
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days. Always a bigger bed to crawl into.
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?
It's alright, just wait and see your string of lights are still bright to me. Who you are is not where you've been. You're still an innocent.Did some things you can't speak of, and at night you'll live it all again.
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now if only you had seen what you know now then.
Wasn't it easy in your firefly catching days everything out of reach, someone bigger down to you. Wasn't it beautiful running wild till you fell asleep, before the monsters caught up to you?
It's alright just wait and see your string of lights are still bright to me
Who you are is not where you've been, you're still an innocent.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd--20 and still growing up now.
Who you are is not what you did, you're still an innocent.
Time turns flames to embers, but you'll have new Septembers. Everyone of us has messed up too.
Minds change like the weather, and I hope you remember.
Today is never too late to
Be brand new
Lost your balance on a tight rope; lost your mind trying to get it back
Saturday, December 7, 2013
I Wanna
I want to go someplace where it makes me feel whole again
I want to have the salt in the air, and look around me and feel nothing but happiness
 |
| Rehoboth Beach |
I want to have my hair curl up in the natural wave, the way it only does in humidity
I want to close my eyes and take a deep breathe and let it all go
I want to walk the s h o r e line watching as people play in the water
I want to be some place where no one knows my name
I want to go on a bike ride down a small swampy path and see trees for miles with the sun shining through
I want to be on the board walk where all you see is the beach bums and families out shopping
I want to see the excitement a child gets when they see the hermit crab with the sing that says "FREE" in big bold letters
I want to get a braided anklet that I'll wear for months that will remind me of this place even when I have to go
I want to go where random tan life guards hit on me and tell me I'm beautiful
I want to be in the east coast
I want to be at the beach
I want to be at Rehoboth
Friday, November 22, 2013
And You Let it Go.
Imagine you are walking down the street on a rainy day. You look around you and all you see is sadness. You see the rain beating down you changing the color of your clothes, you see people running from their cars into the houses, you see the sun slowly getting run over by the clouds. But just as you look down from the sky you see a lucky penny on the ground. You pick it up and put it in your pocket, wishfully thinking that maybe this will turn your day around and you continue on. You walk down the road looking for the next thing to make you happy. But throughout the day that penny gets pushed down further and further in your pocket until you completely forget that it is there. You forget the thing that was supposed to make you happy; the thing that was supposed to turn your day around.
A lot of times in life, our own lives become that penny. We have things weighing us down until we forget about the true happiness and the small things that make us happy. Those things being the people we care about, or just the simple blessings we have in our lives everyday.
We become too busy searching for other luck and forget about the things that means the most.
With this comes letting go. Letting go of the things that bother us, the things we can't change, and the things we can.
A lot of times, especially from personal experience, things happen in your life that alter how you see things later on. They damage you in a way that it will take a miracle to fix. You cover it up and wear a mask, and only let certain people give a peak at the real you as you are walking down that rainy street. You walk around with this mask hoping that people can recognize you as they look into your eyes. Recognize your sadness. Recognize that you need a hero. But with all of this baggage you have, it alters how YOU THINK people see you. For all you even know, one of these people passing you by could be your hero, but you don't give them a chance because you don't think they can help you. You think they will just hurt you like everyone else.
You end up having too many things going on in your mind that could go wrong, that YOU end up being the one that changes. And that's why those people can't help you.
That's why I believe that no matter what you do, consistency is the key. Consistently be you. Because the person that loves for YOU, will love YOU no matter what. So we have to decide to not get scared or change the way you do things, just because you are expecting something to go wrong, because of what has happened in the past.
Let go of whatever is bothering you and take into consideration that maybe you are focusing too much on something else. That being, the things of the past. When you are upset about something, it magnifies the intensity of everything else. Making everything, as well as your reasoning, seem worse than what it really is.
Making you sad.
Giving you that mask.
Pushing that new shiny, lucky penny down into your pocket.
I don't want to be that penny.
So don't let yourself be that penny.
Let go of the things that are bothering you, it causes extra baggage.
It's never too late to take that extra step and fall and pray to god that someone catches you.
You just have to trust that things will work out and everything happens for a reason.
You have to believe that your heart knows what it's doing even if your head tells you differently.
So if you find those constant things in your life that make you happy don't push them away.
I know I am really good at that.
Don't push away the most important things because in time you will realize what you had, and what you let go.
So when you are walking down that rainy road, don't look at the sadness.
Look at the sky and find the beauty in the rain. Look at the happiness of the children playing in water. Look at the cleansing feeling of the world starting over.
Let the rain wash it all away. And then let it go.
So thank you to my Skyler for helping me figure that out. And thank you for continuing to believe in me when no one else has had the time to.
A lot of times in life, our own lives become that penny. We have things weighing us down until we forget about the true happiness and the small things that make us happy. Those things being the people we care about, or just the simple blessings we have in our lives everyday. We become too busy searching for other luck and forget about the things that means the most.
With this comes letting go. Letting go of the things that bother us, the things we can't change, and the things we can.
A lot of times, especially from personal experience, things happen in your life that alter how you see things later on. They damage you in a way that it will take a miracle to fix. You cover it up and wear a mask, and only let certain people give a peak at the real you as you are walking down that rainy street. You walk around with this mask hoping that people can recognize you as they look into your eyes. Recognize your sadness. Recognize that you need a hero. But with all of this baggage you have, it alters how YOU THINK people see you. For all you even know, one of these people passing you by could be your hero, but you don't give them a chance because you don't think they can help you. You think they will just hurt you like everyone else.
You end up having too many things going on in your mind that could go wrong, that YOU end up being the one that changes. And that's why those people can't help you.
That's why I believe that no matter what you do, consistency is the key. Consistently be you. Because the person that loves for YOU, will love YOU no matter what. So we have to decide to not get scared or change the way you do things, just because you are expecting something to go wrong, because of what has happened in the past.
Let go of whatever is bothering you and take into consideration that maybe you are focusing too much on something else. That being, the things of the past. When you are upset about something, it magnifies the intensity of everything else. Making everything, as well as your reasoning, seem worse than what it really is.
Making you sad.
Giving you that mask.
Pushing that new shiny, lucky penny down into your pocket.
I don't want to be that penny.
So don't let yourself be that penny.
Let go of the things that are bothering you, it causes extra baggage.
It's never too late to take that extra step and fall and pray to god that someone catches you.
You just have to trust that things will work out and everything happens for a reason.
You have to believe that your heart knows what it's doing even if your head tells you differently.
So if you find those constant things in your life that make you happy don't push them away.
I know I am really good at that.
Don't push away the most important things because in time you will realize what you had, and what you let go. So when you are walking down that rainy road, don't look at the sadness.
Look at the sky and find the beauty in the rain. Look at the happiness of the children playing in water. Look at the cleansing feeling of the world starting over.
Let the rain wash it all away. And then let it go.
"Today I’m gonna keep on walking
I’m gonna hold my head up high
I’m gonna leave it all behind
I’m gonna hold my head up high
I’m gonna leave it all behind
I've got no more tears to cry
Today I’m gonna stand out in the rain
Let it wash it all away
Today I’m gonna stand out in the rain
Let it wash it all away
Yeah wash it all away
I’m gonna let it go." -Tim McGraw
I’m gonna let it go." -Tim McGraw
So thank you to my Skyler for helping me figure that out. And thank you for continuing to believe in me when no one else has had the time to.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Colder Weather
She'd trade Colorado if he'd take her with him
Closes the door before the winter lets the cold in,
And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay,
She's answered by the tail lights
Shining through the window pane
He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
She said you're ramblin'
You ain't ever gonna change
You gotta gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'
At a truck stop diner just outside of Lincoln,
The night is black as the coffee he was drinkin',
And in the waitress' eyes he sees the same 'ol light shinin',
He thinks of Colorado
And the girl he left behind
He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
She said you're ramblin'
You ain't ever gonna change
You Got a gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'
Born for leavin'
Well it's a winding road
When your in the lost and found
You're a lover I'm a runner
We go 'round 'n 'round
And I love you but I leave you
I don't want you but I need you
You know it's you who calls me back here
Oh I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
Cause I'm a ramblin' man
I ain't ever gonna change
I gotta gypsy soul
And I was born for leavin'
Born for leavin'
And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait till then
But I can't wait till then....
Closes the door before the winter lets the cold in,
And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay,
She's answered by the tail lights
Shining through the window pane
He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
She said you're ramblin'
You ain't ever gonna change
You gotta gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'
At a truck stop diner just outside of Lincoln,
The night is black as the coffee he was drinkin',
And in the waitress' eyes he sees the same 'ol light shinin',
He thinks of Colorado
And the girl he left behind
He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
She said you're ramblin'
You ain't ever gonna change
You Got a gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'
Born for leavin'
Well it's a winding road
When your in the lost and found
You're a lover I'm a runner
We go 'round 'n 'round
And I love you but I leave you
I don't want you but I need you
You know it's you who calls me back here
Oh I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
Cause I'm a ramblin' man
I ain't ever gonna change
I gotta gypsy soul
And I was born for leavin'
Born for leavin'
And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait till then
But I can't wait till then....
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Our Deepest Fear
"If she's amazing, won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up... you're not worthy. Truth is everyone's going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley.
I think society expects too much out of people. But maybe it is because we know how capable everybody is of accomplishing things. We know that if they wanted to, everyone could reach their highest potential.
We are either two things... overly confident, or having the lowest expectations. I tend to go toward having low expectations. Not that I'm always negative, I just don't really trust anyone. And with certain things in life, I'd rather be safe than sorry.
And maybe that is why we do give our whole heart to everything we do. Are we scared of trying, or are we scared of the fear? I think it is we are scared of what will happen.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others."
--Marianne Williamson
So why is it we care so much about what other people think? Because they can't control your life. They don't wake up in your shoes every morning. They haven't seen the things you have seen or been in the situations you have been. They do not know what it is like to be you. They do not know what the things that have happened in your life that causes you to make the decisions you make--even if they are bad ones. A lot of the times, people don't know any better. And a lot of the times, people are looking for an escape. And the only way they know how are probably the things we all make fun of or judge. And in the long run, we are ruining ourselves by doing those things.
"The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away."
I think society expects too much out of people. But maybe it is because we know how capable everybody is of accomplishing things. We know that if they wanted to, everyone could reach their highest potential.
We are either two things... overly confident, or having the lowest expectations. I tend to go toward having low expectations. Not that I'm always negative, I just don't really trust anyone. And with certain things in life, I'd rather be safe than sorry.
And maybe that is why we do give our whole heart to everything we do. Are we scared of trying, or are we scared of the fear? I think it is we are scared of what will happen.
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others."
Some people will never understand the concept of everyone is a different person and we need to respect every single one of them. Those people are the worst kind of people--the selfish. If you really think about it, every crime, every rude comment, every bad action people is our of selfishness. And the moment that someone judges your or doesn't take the time to see the blessings you could bring into their life is when YOU should walk away. Its not because you are weak. It's not because you have no comeback to say to them. Its because when some ones makes those judgments, it's them who are not comfortable with themselves.
That is why we cannot judge them either. Let them make judgments about us, but if we get mad, or make the same judgments about them, then we are no better. We have no grounds to get mad, or angry because we are doing the same things back to them.
Don't get even, get better.
What's wrong with the world is we focus too much on other people. WE let them stop us from doing things we want to do. WE let them change to we are. WE let them make us afraid to be who we are, When we should be focusing on how to better ourselves.
We need to be nice to them because they are the ones who need it the most. All we can do it try to understand the things they do, and why they act the way they do. We need to be more understanding of those peoples. We can be the ones to change their lives.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
If you are looking for a sign--this is it
“People say I love you all the time - when they say, ‘take an umbrella, it’s raining,’ or ‘hurry back,’ or even ‘watch out, you’ll break your neck.’ There are hundreds of ways of wording it - you just have to listen for it, my dear.”
“I know today is Monday and you assume it’s going to suck, but according to statistics, there will be over 5,000 weddings, 10,000 childbirths, and 42 million hugs occurring today throughout the United States. Also today, there will be at least 4 people that will win the multimillion dollar lotteries, 600 people will get promotions at work, and 3,000 people will lose their virginity. There will also be 600 dogs adopted, 35,000 balloons sold, and 800,000 skittles eaten. Plus, the words “I love you” will be said over 9 million times. So again, I know today is Monday and you assume it’s going to suck, but just smile, because according to statistics, it should actually be a really nice day.”
“And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.”
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Don't Be a 2
Do you ever feel like you aren't good enough?
That no matter what you do, the person you want to impress the most is far from being impressed by you?
Do you ever feel like you don't know what to do?
Like you can only talk to people about things for so long before you THINK they will start getting annoyed?
My motto is 90% of the people don't care about your problems, and the other 10% are glad you have them. So I don't tell people my problems.
Where do you go when you have no one?
What do you do when you are confused?
What do you do, when the person you need to take away the holes is the one causing more in you. Until you are nothing left but cheddar.
This is where you see who wants to stay in your life.
You take control of the situation and don't let it get you down.
When people say surround yourself only with people who make you happy they don't know how true, and entirely damn false that is.
It's the people who you want to be in your life that can upset you. The ones that, if they were in your life, could give you the most happiness. That's why you hesitate getting rid of them. Because in a part of your life that may, or may not happen, they can make you happy. They can realize that your love is all they've ever wanted in life. But sometimes that's just not in the cards for you.
But I also find that statement false.
Anything can be in your deck of cards in life...Its just the ones you choose. People choose the course of their life. Though it may not be the one you want at first, you can throw that card away and pick a new one.
Relating this back to life.
If something in your life is upsetting you, get rid of it. You don't need it. It's not needed. Life is too damn short to be upset. And you can't let people control your lives or tell you who you are. Cause only two people know that.
You & God.
So Pick a new card.
Start a new life.
Turn a new leaf.
You are not stuck where you are.
You can change your life.
But will you let yourself?
Don't live your life with just 2's.
Everyone has the potential to live like Kings and Queens, hell, even Ace's.
What I'm getting at, is beat what ever is giving you grief. I know, sounds easier than it is. But you have to start somewhere. Start somewhere today. Make today that day to change your life.
But in that changing--don't change who you are.
So smile.
Be happy.
Its hard. But it's worth it.
It may take time. But it's worth it.
Its Worth it.
Take a vow, and never look back.
I will be happy. I will be confident. I am pretty & I am successful. One person's loss, is other people's gain... yeah, more than one person.
Someone is in your situation right now, fighting everything to find you.
Someone has been looking their whole life, to meet you.
Someone out there, needs you.
That no matter what you do, the person you want to impress the most is far from being impressed by you?
Do you ever feel like you don't know what to do?
Like you can only talk to people about things for so long before you THINK they will start getting annoyed?
My motto is 90% of the people don't care about your problems, and the other 10% are glad you have them. So I don't tell people my problems.
Where do you go when you have no one?
What do you do when you are confused?
What do you do, when the person you need to take away the holes is the one causing more in you. Until you are nothing left but cheddar.
You Rise.
This is where you see who wants to stay in your life.
You take control of the situation and don't let it get you down.
When people say surround yourself only with people who make you happy they don't know how true, and entirely damn false that is.
It's the people who you want to be in your life that can upset you. The ones that, if they were in your life, could give you the most happiness. That's why you hesitate getting rid of them. Because in a part of your life that may, or may not happen, they can make you happy. They can realize that your love is all they've ever wanted in life. But sometimes that's just not in the cards for you.
But I also find that statement false.
Anything can be in your deck of cards in life...Its just the ones you choose. People choose the course of their life. Though it may not be the one you want at first, you can throw that card away and pick a new one.
Relating this back to life.
If something in your life is upsetting you, get rid of it. You don't need it. It's not needed. Life is too damn short to be upset. And you can't let people control your lives or tell you who you are. Cause only two people know that.
You & God.
So Pick a new card.
Start a new life.
Turn a new leaf.
You are not stuck where you are.
You can change your life.
But will you let yourself?
Don't live your life with just 2's.
Everyone has the potential to live like Kings and Queens, hell, even Ace's.
What I'm getting at, is beat what ever is giving you grief. I know, sounds easier than it is. But you have to start somewhere. Start somewhere today. Make today that day to change your life.
But in that changing--don't change who you are.
So smile.
Be happy.
Its hard. But it's worth it.
It may take time. But it's worth it.
Its Worth it.
Take a vow, and never look back.
I will be happy. I will be confident. I am pretty & I am successful. One person's loss, is other people's gain... yeah, more than one person.
Someone is in your situation right now, fighting everything to find you.
Someone has been looking their whole life, to meet you.
Someone out there, needs you.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Evaluation
You know sometimes in life when you start thinking about things and realize you need to change some of the stuff in your life?
Or when you have those moments of thoughts, and you thought of something so awesome about the world that it could solve world hunger, and then you forget it three seconds later.
I have those thoughts on the daily.
But tonight is one of those evaluation times.
I often spend my time wondering all of the "What If's"
What if I was prettier
What if I was a little bit nicer to people
What if I stopped caring about what people think about me
What if everyone just stopped their judgments and loved everybody
What if, what if, what if, what if, what if.
I have already decided early on that, that is not how I am going to live my life. So why do I keep thinking about "what if things were different"?
Often times it scares me. What if I ended up somewhere else?
Sometimes this comes to me when I don't feel good about myself.
I evaluate myself, and how I can be better. Sometimes I think I am borderline insane.
One of my biggest fears is being. "That Girl."
I don't know why I need the acceptance of others to feel good about myself.
I honestly think I could go farther in my life if I just let that go and be who I wanted to be. But I also get scared that who I am is scary, and I would eventually let myself go.
I am the kind of person, that if I don't have a goal to work towards, or someone to love me...I get upset and sometimes depressed.
That also happens if I know I have failed at something and lost the approval of people. With that, I don't like letting people down.
I don't want to be that way, but that is also what makes me, me. It makes me so reliable, and I can see things from a different perspective. I am always the person to try to look at people as if I had walked a mile in their shoes.
Sometimes I feel like I lose that part of myself. And I don't want to lose that. I am just so bent on trying to be a different person than the one I was at home, that sometimes you lose sight of things that are important. As sad as it is to say, some days I feel like I have.
"Be Kind, Everyone you meet is going through a hard battle."
Sometimes people don't know how true that is. If everyone took that into consideration, this world would be a much happier place.
I am a victim and a culprit of this.
And in my mind, this self-conversion crap I want to do is probably going to start by giving and helping other people.
I hope that Karma will return the favor, though I know it already has. Karma worked on me first, and now it is my turn to give back. I just hope that I can end up being the person I want to be to get to where I want to go, and to get the people I need.
With this comes me trying to find happiness other that people. If I don't end my night with a cute boy or friends, then my day ends terrible. What about the other good parts of my day? Don't those matter? Maybe someone like me should learn to be more grateful and positive. Also, I tend to push people out of my life. Some I need to push out, others I need to keep. I just don't know who.
All this time I thought I was a leader and could be the reason someone wanted to change. But now I am the one that needs help, and needs that person that is willing to help me change. I see that in people, but people don't see that in me.
Sometimes I wish people could see the sadness in my eyes, the same way I can see the sadness in theirs.
I am really good at reading people. I know when they are upset. Maybe I should start paying attention to that more.
Its just hard knowing that you've been in a certain frame of mind for so long to go back to how it was.
Long story short, humble is the word i'm looking for. I need to be more of that. Because sometimes faking it til you make it hurts. It hurts you, it hurts your friends, and it hurts other people.
Or when you have those moments of thoughts, and you thought of something so awesome about the world that it could solve world hunger, and then you forget it three seconds later.
I have those thoughts on the daily.
But tonight is one of those evaluation times.
I often spend my time wondering all of the "What If's"
What if I was prettier
What if I was a little bit nicer to people
What if I stopped caring about what people think about me
What if everyone just stopped their judgments and loved everybody
What if, what if, what if, what if, what if.
I have already decided early on that, that is not how I am going to live my life. So why do I keep thinking about "what if things were different"?
Often times it scares me. What if I ended up somewhere else?
Sometimes this comes to me when I don't feel good about myself.
I evaluate myself, and how I can be better. Sometimes I think I am borderline insane.
One of my biggest fears is being. "That Girl."
I don't know why I need the acceptance of others to feel good about myself.
I honestly think I could go farther in my life if I just let that go and be who I wanted to be. But I also get scared that who I am is scary, and I would eventually let myself go.
I am the kind of person, that if I don't have a goal to work towards, or someone to love me...I get upset and sometimes depressed.
That also happens if I know I have failed at something and lost the approval of people. With that, I don't like letting people down.
I don't want to be that way, but that is also what makes me, me. It makes me so reliable, and I can see things from a different perspective. I am always the person to try to look at people as if I had walked a mile in their shoes.
Sometimes I feel like I lose that part of myself. And I don't want to lose that. I am just so bent on trying to be a different person than the one I was at home, that sometimes you lose sight of things that are important. As sad as it is to say, some days I feel like I have.
"Be Kind, Everyone you meet is going through a hard battle."
Sometimes people don't know how true that is. If everyone took that into consideration, this world would be a much happier place.
I am a victim and a culprit of this.
And in my mind, this self-conversion crap I want to do is probably going to start by giving and helping other people.
I hope that Karma will return the favor, though I know it already has. Karma worked on me first, and now it is my turn to give back. I just hope that I can end up being the person I want to be to get to where I want to go, and to get the people I need.
With this comes me trying to find happiness other that people. If I don't end my night with a cute boy or friends, then my day ends terrible. What about the other good parts of my day? Don't those matter? Maybe someone like me should learn to be more grateful and positive. Also, I tend to push people out of my life. Some I need to push out, others I need to keep. I just don't know who.
All this time I thought I was a leader and could be the reason someone wanted to change. But now I am the one that needs help, and needs that person that is willing to help me change. I see that in people, but people don't see that in me.
Sometimes I wish people could see the sadness in my eyes, the same way I can see the sadness in theirs.
I am really good at reading people. I know when they are upset. Maybe I should start paying attention to that more.
Its just hard knowing that you've been in a certain frame of mind for so long to go back to how it was.
Long story short, humble is the word i'm looking for. I need to be more of that. Because sometimes faking it til you make it hurts. It hurts you, it hurts your friends, and it hurts other people.
Waisting all these tears
I try to find you at the bottom of the bottle
Lying down on the bathroom floor
My loneliness was wrangling windows
You say you don't want me anymore
And you left me...
Lying down on the bathroom floor
My loneliness was wrangling windows
You say you don't want me anymore
And you left me...
Standing on the corner crying
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember why
I’m wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase all memory
'Cause you didn't give a damn about me
And finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you, these tears on you
You ain't worth another sleepless night
And I’ll do everything I got to do get you off my mind
'Cause what you wanted I couldn'’ give
What you did, boy I'll never forget
And you left me...
Standing on the corner crying
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember why
I'm wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase all memory
'Cause you didn't give a damn about me
And finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you, these tears on you
I try to find you at the bottom of the bottle
Lying down on the bathroom floor
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Ours
Elevator buttons and morning air
Strangers' silence makes me want to take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now my time is theirs
Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine
And you'll say
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and
Your hands are tough
But they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith
With this song for you
'Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
'Cause my heart is yours
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
Strangers' silence makes me want to take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now my time is theirs
Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine
And you'll say
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and
Your hands are tough
But they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith
With this song for you
'Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
'Cause my heart is yours
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours
#RealTalk
I am a girl
Sometimes I am insecure but its only because people have hurt me multiple times
I am a romantic
I want what i can't have
I can spend every second of my life with my windows rolled down in the passenger seat of a car sticking my head out the window
I snort when I laugh
I am blonde, and sometimes I act like it
Sometimes I say things in front of people that I instantly regret
Sometimes I wish I was able to talk in front of people better
Sometimes I can be an idiot
I get a thrill out of making someone's day
I like when people I know say hi to me in the hall
I love giving and receiving hugs
I like when I can find the perfect pair of jeans
I love the feeling of sweats after a long day
Sometimes I wish I was more motivated
I am a little messy at times
I like pink
and blue
and yellow
My wish is to kiss in the rain
People like to tease me because I can take it, but sometimes... it hurts
It pains me to watch other people hurt
I have huge amounts of empathy
The thought of ever embarrassing someone would never cross my mind in a million years
Sometimes I am insecure but its only because people have hurt me multiple times
I am a romantic
I want what i can't have
I can spend every second of my life with my windows rolled down in the passenger seat of a car sticking my head out the window
I snort when I laugh
I am blonde, and sometimes I act like it
Sometimes I say things in front of people that I instantly regret
Sometimes I wish I was able to talk in front of people better
Sometimes I can be an idiot
I get a thrill out of making someone's day
I like when people I know say hi to me in the hall
I love giving and receiving hugs
I like when I can find the perfect pair of jeans
I love the feeling of sweats after a long day
Sometimes I wish I was more motivated
I am a little messy at times
I like pink
and blue
and yellow
My wish is to kiss in the rain
People like to tease me because I can take it, but sometimes... it hurts
It pains me to watch other people hurt
I have huge amounts of empathy
The thought of ever embarrassing someone would never cross my mind in a million years
Beautiful Mess- Diamond Rio
Going out of my mind these days
Like I’m walking round in a haze
I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate
And I need to shave
I go to work and I look tired
The boss man said son you gonna get fired
This ain’t your style and behind my coffee cup
I just smile
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess
I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess
What a beautiful mess I’m in
This morning put salt in my coffee
I put my shoes on the wrong feet
I’m losen my mind
I swear, it might be the death of me
But I don’t care
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess
I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess
What a beautiful mess I’m in
Is it your eyes, is it your smile
All I know is that your driven me wild
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess
I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess
What a beautiful mess I’m in
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess
I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess
What a beautiful mess I’m in
Like I’m walking round in a haze
I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate
And I need to shave
I go to work and I look tired
The boss man said son you gonna get fired
This ain’t your style and behind my coffee cup
I just smile
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess
I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess
What a beautiful mess I’m in
This morning put salt in my coffee
I put my shoes on the wrong feet
I’m losen my mind
I swear, it might be the death of me
But I don’t care
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess
I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess
What a beautiful mess I’m in
Is it your eyes, is it your smile
All I know is that your driven me wild
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess
I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess
What a beautiful mess I’m in
What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess
I’m in spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess
What a beautiful mess I’m in
Ordinary World
Sun is setting.
Waves are gently flowing back and forth across the sand.
Their is a light mist in the air and she stands at the edge of the water.
The purple and orange colors give her a glimpse of heaven
When she looks over and sees him.
What do they say?
Who is he?
What has her reaction?
Waves are gently flowing back and forth across the sand.
Their is a light mist in the air and she stands at the edge of the water.
The purple and orange colors give her a glimpse of heaven
When she looks over and sees him.
What do they say?
Who is he?
What has her reaction?
Five Posts You Should Check Out
Fresh Ideas - Charles Carmichael
Dialogue - Knot Stupid
I Can't - Hilary Scott
In Rememberance - Skee-Lo
My Favorite Movie of all Time - Lucky Dime
Dialogue - Knot Stupid
I Can't - Hilary Scott
In Rememberance - Skee-Lo
My Favorite Movie of all Time - Lucky Dime
So Good
[B.o.B - Verse 1]
Drinking a German beer with a Cuban cigar
In the middle of Paris with a Dominican bar
Great head on her shoulders, she probably studied abroad
She transfered to Harvard from King’s College in March
She says that I’m her favorite cause she admires the art
Michelangelo with the flow, Picasso with the bars
She’s well put together like a piece by Gershwin
Rennaisaince style, tonight is picture perfect
So mmile, and pack your bags real good baby
Cause you’ll be gone for a while, while while
[Hook]
Girl tell me how you feel
What your fantasy
I see us on a beach down in Mexico
You can put your feet up
Be my senorita
We ain’t gotta rush
Just take it slow
You’ll be in the high life
Soaking up the sunlight
Anything you want is yours
I had you living life like you should
You say you never had it so good
[Hook]
La la-la la-la la-laaa
You never had it so good
La la-la la-la la-laaa
[Verse 2]
Suffering from first class cabin fever
Five hour layovers from Norway to Egypt
I’m to the point like the pyramids of Giza
Still lean to the left like the tower out in Pisa
I’m feeling single baby
I could use a feature
Swagger like Ceaser, I’ll get you a visa
We can go to Italy, and maybe see the Colosseum
I’ll be Da Vinci if you’ll be my Mona Lisa
So smile, and pack your bags real good baby
Cause you’ll be gone for a while
[Hook]
[Verse 3]
Well I been feeling singular
How about let’s make it plural
Spin the globe, wherever it lands that’s where we’ll go
We’ll hit up Europe, yep, and spend some Euros
And maybe visit Berlin, the wall’s with the murals
This is your month baby, sign of the Virgo
Private reservations, glasses full of merlo
A rose, a burgundy, travel like turbo
Brush up on your Espanol
We’ll Barcelona bounce
So mmile, and pack your bags real good baby
Cause you’ll be gone for a while
Drinking a German beer with a Cuban cigar
In the middle of Paris with a Dominican bar
Great head on her shoulders, she probably studied abroad
She transfered to Harvard from King’s College in March
She says that I’m her favorite cause she admires the art
Michelangelo with the flow, Picasso with the bars
She’s well put together like a piece by Gershwin
Rennaisaince style, tonight is picture perfect
So mmile, and pack your bags real good baby
Cause you’ll be gone for a while, while while
[Hook]
Girl tell me how you feel
What your fantasy
I see us on a beach down in Mexico
You can put your feet up
Be my senorita
We ain’t gotta rush
Just take it slow
You’ll be in the high life
Soaking up the sunlight
Anything you want is yours
I had you living life like you should
You say you never had it so good
[Hook]
La la-la la-la la-laaa
You never had it so good
La la-la la-la la-laaa
[Verse 2]
Suffering from first class cabin fever
Five hour layovers from Norway to Egypt
I’m to the point like the pyramids of Giza
Still lean to the left like the tower out in Pisa
I’m feeling single baby
I could use a feature
Swagger like Ceaser, I’ll get you a visa
We can go to Italy, and maybe see the Colosseum
I’ll be Da Vinci if you’ll be my Mona Lisa
So smile, and pack your bags real good baby
Cause you’ll be gone for a while
[Hook]
[Verse 3]
Well I been feeling singular
How about let’s make it plural
Spin the globe, wherever it lands that’s where we’ll go
We’ll hit up Europe, yep, and spend some Euros
And maybe visit Berlin, the wall’s with the murals
This is your month baby, sign of the Virgo
Private reservations, glasses full of merlo
A rose, a burgundy, travel like turbo
Brush up on your Espanol
We’ll Barcelona bounce
So mmile, and pack your bags real good baby
Cause you’ll be gone for a while
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Last Song
I know I know... Miley Cyrus. But if you look past that, it's fantastic. The last song never disappoints. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie.
I read the boom before the movie came out, and decided right then and there it was great. And Liam Hemsworth is a babe.
I read the boom before the movie came out, and decided right then and there it was great. And Liam Hemsworth is a babe.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
SUMMER
SUMMER CHECK OFF LIST
-Get a beach chair, some hawaiian punch, music and friends and sit back and chill on the salt flats.
-Kiss someone in the rain
-Do something illegal
-Laugh so hard it hurts-Go to a drive in movie
-Sneak out
-Spend all of my money on something completely worthless
-Go on a vacation
-Visit the beach
-Make at least 10 new friends
-Discover Myself
-Get a tattoo
-Meet someone who will change my life
-Go to Lagoon
-Do something I've always been scared to do
-Say something I have always been scared to say
-Read a whole series of books
-Watch all the new movies that come out in theaters
-Go on a fantastic date
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